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Dec. 25th, 2013

Merry Christmas!

Happy holidays to everyone who wonders by this entry :)


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Oct. 24th, 2013

I went to visit my friend who lives in another province. She did not bring up the coming out thing. I kind of wanted to talk, but I didn't want to push anything if she wasn't ready/comfortable. So, yeah :/ Things seemed mostly the same between us though, so that's good.

The worst part of the trip was being stuck in the car with her husband who felt like he was going to throw up. Also worrying that he has a stomach virus and we were going back to their place that had one bathroom. Luckily he didn't throw up in the car or back at the house. He threw up at the house of the people we were visiting, but I only heard coughing sounds, so I'm going to pretend he was coughing.

It was nice to visit them and spend time just hanging out.

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I'm watching Masterchef Junior. It's amazing what those children can cook. I...need to get practicing :)

Oct. 2nd, 2013

So far things are good. She said she loves me and is glad I felt I could tell her. I'll see if things are awkward on Skype or when I see her in week. When we actually talk about it I'm going to ask if she was surprised or if she sort of knew.
I am going to e-mail my friend tomorrow about the gay thing. I chickened out, then stuff happened, but now I think is a good time.

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My last day at my work is this week.

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I'm not watching anything really interesting or worthwhile right now. I don't feel like trying anything new... so hopefully I don't miss out on anything really fun.

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I kind of want to volunteer somewhere, but I don't think this is a good time to start. I'm not sure what my job situation will be like in the next month or so. I hopefully will be working somewhere that is not a store.

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I have so much cleaning and organizing to do. My bedroom isn't that bad. I just have 4 sections elsewhere in my house that need my attention.

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Let's just assume I'm going to continuously have inappropriate crushes from now on.

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This week is going to feel soooo long. I can't wait until I'm finished with this job. I'm very anxious about starting somewhere new though.

Aug. 13th, 2013

I want to see people and do things with them. When I'm with friends and family I can have a good time.
Just... I wish I didn't have anything planned and I could stay home all week :/

Aug. 6th, 2013

I think I'm going to write this:

Subject: Bi or maybe gay

Dear Friend,

I'm not straight.
I'll answer any questions you may have.

Love, Me

---

I dislike writing, but I have another thing I want to write. I need to write my resume. My last one is so old it probably isn't relevant, so I'm starting from scratch. Blah.

Jul. 31st, 2013

I feel like my best friend is distancing herself from me.

I told her I missed talking with her more and then when it was her time to reply to an e-mail she didn't for almost 3 weeks.

:/

I'm feeling lonely.

Jul. 13th, 2013

I'm not sure how to start the coming out letter to my friend. I'm seriously considering send it to her now, so we can talk in person if she wants to before she goes back home.

What I have been watching

I think I need to watch this video a couple more times. http://youtu.be/3_9KVdeCjy8
I know deep down a friendship I have won't turn into anything more, so I just need to keep remembering that. I need to meet new people!

I watched several videos on Hannah Hart's YouTube channels and that led me to watching some videos on other channels that I haven't had an urge to watch before with Youtubers like Joey, Shane, Grace, etc. I usually watch cooking channels like Cooking with Dog, Yoyomax12 and Fifteen Spatulas. I also watch the Fine Bros and that's where I have seen some of the others before on the YouTubers React Show.

Why have I been watching more videos on YT? I had a week off and I didn't feel like doing much. It's very easy to sit on the couch and just watch things.

I did visit two friends. I skipped visiting one friend, because her house recently had a stomach bug :/
~

Right now on Netflix I'm watching the whole series of Angel. I just had an urge to watch it and so I did. I'm already into season 5, because I started this a few weeks ago. I'm enjoying it. I thought I watched the whole thing before, but there was a chunk of episodes that I don't remember watching. I wasn't annoyed by certain storylines like I was the first time I saw them.

I enjoyed how they made Darla's labour a lot more realistic than they usually do in TV shows. She didn't have her water break and then immediately start crying in pain. She had Braxton Hicks contractions. She had pains that varied in length and intensity. Haha... I have mentioned my interest in childbirth on here, right?

The two things on TV that I am watching are Under the Dome and Big Brother. They just started so I don't have much to say about them. I just don't like the crazy guy on UtD and several people on BB.

Apparently some of the cast of BB have been saying racist, homophobic and sexist things that only the people watching the livefeeds see. People are upset the vast majority of people don't know about these things, because this year America votes for people to do things and they don't see the whole picture.

The two things that I'm going to start watching soon are Orphan Black and Skins.

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I feel like some things I've been thinking about for a long time and it's time to stop thinking and just do.

I have written before about why I don't want to come out. I think I didn't mention two reasons that bother me right now.

I don't want people to worry about my afterlife.

I don't want people to be sad, because they think I won't be in heaven with them. My thoughts are too jumbled about this to write about it now. I just don't think I should make that a reason not to tell someone something about me.

I don't want to worry about being unsafe.

Unfortunately there are crappy people in this world who harm others. I wouldn't want to put an extra target on my back. This isn't a good reason for not being me though. You can't live your life ruled by fear. Also you can get hurt in multitude of ways that you have no control over. So... yeah.

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Seriously, my mom probably already knows. I just really don't feel like having this conversation with her. So... I'm not going to, for now. Maybe when I move out or if there is someone to come out for.

I will be telling B though. I am going to send her a short e-mail and then we can chat on Skype. I don't want to tell her when she visits in case things get awkward.

Again nobody else really needs to know unless I'm going to start dating or I feel like advocating for gay people at my church or work.

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I've decided my parents need their own Netflix account and I'm going to fix that this week. Kiss Me is on Netflix now. I need to finish my list of things to watch :)

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